What Love Is For
by Lorelai Anastasia
Summary: Darry having to deal with taking care of his brothers after his parents death. Please review!
1. Chapter One

What Love Is For: To Help Us Through It -- Chapter One  
  
  
  
A/N- Hello everybody! This story is an ongoing prequel to the book, in Darry's POV. It's going to be a real story, unlike my last one. It takes place right after Mr. and Mrs. Curtis' funeral, and continues from there; I always wondered what it was like for Darry back then, when he was first learning how to run a family and deal with all his new responsibilities.  
  
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't forget to review, especially if you want me to continue this story! I love getting reviews! Also, suggestions are more than welcome!  
  
Like my previous story, this is dedicated to my friend and beta-reader, Wizard-Of-The-Pen Phoebe. I couldn't have written this without her support. Thanks girl!  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own, I don't earn, please don't sue me. I get a measly fifteen bucks a week for allowance, so there's no point anyway. Now, onto the story!  
  
*  
  
It wasn't until a week and a half after Mom and Dad's funeral that things started settling down. My parents' friends stopped dropping by with food all the time, and I had talked to Social Services, who agreed to let me keep Soda and Ponyboy so long as we behaved. Between Soda's massive energy and Ponyboy's absent-mindness, I knew that that was not going to be easy. The gang was still over all the time of course, but that was normal anyway. Before I knew it, it was Sunday night, two weeks since my parents had died. I was going back to work the next day, and Pony and Sodapop were going back to school. {A/N- IÕm not sure if Soda had dropped out before his parents died. I'm assuming he didn't.} It was eleven-thirty at night, and finally it was just my brothers and me in the house. Sodapop was in the kitchen, and Ponyboy was in the armchair reading a book.  
  
"Um, Ponyboy?" I asked, slightly hesitant. He looked up from his book.  
  
"Yeah, Darry?" he said in a neutral tone.  
  
"You should be in bed," I told him, a bit more firmly. I still felt kind of awkward, telling him and Soda what to do. It made me feel like their— but I couldn't think of that without my chest being one massive hurt. "It's late, and you have school tomorrow."  
  
Ponyboy sighed and laid down his book. "Do I really hafta go back tomorrow?" He looked at me, eyes pleading. I was surprised; he'd always liked school, like I had. God knew I'd have loved to be in college, instead of going back to work roofing the next day.  
  
I sighed and said, "Yeah, you hafta. You've missed enough school. Come on, stop reading and get ready for bed."  
  
Pony groaned, got up, and slouched into the bedroom. "Soda!" I yelled into the other room.  
  
"Yeah?" he yelled back. "What are you doing? It's late, and you have school tomorrow. Get ready for bed!" I braced myself for a battle. Unlike Pony and me, Soda had always hated school.  
  
Soda poked his head around the kitchen door and said, "I'm makin' a chocolate cake."  
  
I raised my eyebrows and tried to fight off the memories of Mom and her cakes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "At eleven at night? What on earth for?" Soda looked at me hopefully. "Breakfast? Chocolate cake? For breakfast?" I repeated. "Forget it. Mom would never-" Soda's face fell, and I tried to repress the memories. "I mean, with ham and eggs? It'd be horrible."  
  
"Naw, that'd be tuff," said a voice from the doorway. I swirled; I hadn't seen Ponyboy standing there. He was smiling, for the first time in two weeks. Soda saw it and grinned at me. I couldn't resist.  
  
"Well, I guess that'd be okay. It might get the two of you out of bed sooner anyhow. Speaking of which, I want lights-out in ten minutes. Got that, you two?" Inwardly I was shocked at how parental I sounded already. It was taking time getting used to. Ponyboy nodded and went back into his and Soda's room.  
  
Soda, on the other hand, gave me a mock salute and said, "Yes, sir." I messed up his hair and went into my own room, suddenly exhausted. Lying there, in my bed in the dark, I thought, this isn't bad. I can do this parenting stuff; I just need to take it one day at a time. As long as I didn't think about my parents, I'd be fine. I rolled over and fell into a deep sleep.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
A/N- Well, that sucked. But please review anyway! Should I continue this or not?? Thanks! 


	2. Chapter Two

A/N Here's chapter two, everybody!! This one's longer than the last one. Please don't forget to review, and thanks so much if you have already!  
  
This is dedicated to the superauthoress Phoebe! I couldn't have written this without her help and support. Thanks girl!!  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the Outsiders, but you knew that, didn't you?  
  
Now, Chapter Two!  
  
  
  
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It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I was jerked awake to the sound of screaming. Even as I leapt out of bed and bolted to Ponyboy and Soda's room, I knew that Ponyboy was having another nightmare. That had happened a lot in the two weeks since Mom and Dad had died. I had no idea what was causing it, but to hear my little brother screaming like that scared me more than it scared him.  
  
I jerked open the door, flung myself into the room, and stopped in my tracks. Sodapop was sitting on the bed holding Ponyboy, who was shaking like crazy and white as a sheet. I stood there stock-still, wondering what to do. Pony had had these nightmares before, but not like this. I sat down on the bed next to my brothers and rubbed Ponyboy's shoulder kind of awkwardly.  
  
"You okay, Pony?" I asked him gently. Ponyboy shook his head no. Soda looked at me and I could see the fear in his eyes at seeing Pony like this. It was the same fear I felt. After we'd calmed Pony down, he fell asleep against Soda's shoulder. Soda picked him up and slid him under the sheets. Then he looked up at me and mouthed "living room." I nodded and walked out, Soda right behind me.  
  
"What are we going to do, Darry?" Soda asked me as we flopped on the couch. "Pony's nightmares are getting worse, not better."  
  
"I'm going to make a doctor's appointment in the morning", I answered. "I think it's time we had him looked at." I hated doctors' offices, but there really wasn't anything I could do about it at that point.  
  
Soda looked at me like I was crazy. "What can the doctor do? Anyway, we can't afford it."  
  
"Yes, we can," I said, alot more sharply than I meant to. "Anyway, don't worry about that stuff. I'll handle it. Now, go back to bed."  
  
"But-" Soda began, but one look from me made him get up and go back into him and Ponyboy's room. I went back into my own room and shut the door. In addition to my barely restrained fear about Ponyboy, Soda's words had instilled a new wave of panic that I fought to beat down. Could we afford it? I really didn't know. But we had to, so I'd make it work. At least I'd be getting my paycheck that weekend. I'll make this work, I told myself as I fell asleep again. I'll make this work.  
  
*  
  
The next morning, the sun was already shining when I rose at the delightful our of six A.M. I got up, exhausted on five hours' sleep, and after my shower I began cooking breakfast. I really wasn't much of a cook, but there was the chocolate cake that I'd let my brothers talk me into, plus chocolate milk, eggs, bacon, and coffee. At six-thirty I went to Pony and Soda's room and banged on the door.  
  
"Rise and shine, guys," I called, opening the door. "Come on, breakfast is on the table. Hurry up, you're gonna be late." Soda muttered "Yeah, yeah, we're hurrin'" under his breath as he got up. Soda's not exactly a morning person. Pony groaned, streched and slouched into the bathroom.  
  
As Ponyboy sat down to eat, I sat down across from him. Neither of us wanted to say anything about his nightmare the night before, but I had to.  
  
"Ponyboy?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah?" Pony replied after a sip of chocolate milk.  
  
"I made an appointment for you this afternoon with the doctor." Pony stared at me and set his glass down as I continued. "You've been having these nightmares for a while, and they're starting to worry me. So I'm taking you today at four."  
  
"I'm not going," Ponyboy said flatly. "I have track. And you know I hate doctors." It was true; like me, he had a phobia of needles.  
  
"You are going," I retorted. "They worry me, and you will go to the doctor's with me. Today at four, you will be there. Clear?" I flinched inwardly; I sounded way harsher than I meant to be, but I was genuinely worried.  
  
Ponyboy stared at me for another minute, than sighed. "Yeah, okay. See you this afternoon. Bye." He walked out the door to get Johnny so they could walk to school together. Soda had left already. The tension in the house left after Ponyboy's nightmares was a little too much for him.  
  
I shut the door and slouched against it, closing my eyes. You're doing okay, I told myself, you're doing okay. I straightened up, opened the door, and left for work.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N- Okay, that really sucked, but please review anyway! 


	3. Chapter Three

A/N- Hey all! Sorry that it took so long to get this chapter up! Please don't forget to review, especially if you want me to continue this. Also, I'd love suggestions for later chapters! Thanx a lot! I'd like to dedicate this to my beyond-awesome beta-reader Phoebe and her new niece Coral! You girls rock! Also a thank-you to Zevie for helping me with my writer's block!  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own the Outsiders, yadda yadda yadda. ************************************************************************  
  
At three-thirty sharp when Ponyboy's school let out, I drove there to pick him up for the doctor's appointment. Soda had mentioned to me that morning that he was going to the Dingo after school with Steve and Two-Bit, so I knew where he was. I was pretty nervous about this appointment; besides being worried about Pony's health I had the cost to consider, plus I had come straight from work so I wasn't dressed so sharp. I was still worrying when I pulled up in front of the high school. I scanned the lawns in front of the school and the parking lot nearby. No Pony. I pulled up in front of the school and checked my watch. It was three thirty-five. I groaned and ran my hand back through my hair; of all the times for Ponyboy to be running late, this was one of the worst. Three forty-five came and went, and still no Ponyboy. I was beginning to get mad, and afraid under that. He knew about the appointment; I'd told him I would pick him up. I sat there in my car until four-fifteen, with all the horrible things that could have happened to my little brother running through my mind. I finally drove home, angrier at myself now than at Pony. I hadn't even been doing this parent thing for two weeks, and already I was screwing up. I jerked to a stop in front of my house and tore up the walk and through the door. Two- Bit was stretched on the floor of the living room, watching Mickey Mouse on TV and drinking a beer. He grinned crookedly at me.  
  
'Hey Darry, how's it hangin'?' he said to me from the floor. Ignoring him, I flew into the kitchen where Sodapop was standing frosting a chocolate cake.  
  
'Soda, Pony's missing,' I said to him, taking the cake platter from him and setting it on the table. 'I went to pick him up for his doctor's appointment after school like I told him I would and he never showed up!' Soda stared at me in confusion. 'Darry, Ponyboy's in his room reading. He has been all afternoon. I guess he forgot' I stared back at him, hardly able to believe it. All the horrible things that I thought had happened to Pony flashed through my mind until I got so angry that I completely lost it. I stormed down the short hallway to my brothers' room and shoved open the door. Sure enough, Ponyboy was flopped on his bed reading.  
  
'Oh, hi, Darry. How was work?' he asked me. I blew a fuse then and really let loose.  
  
'Ponyboy, where the hell were you?' I shouted at the top of my lungs. 'I was supposed to pick you up for that doctor's appointment! What happened?'  
  
'Oh God, Darry, I'm sorry, but I forgot,' Ponyboy exclaimed, sitting up on the bed. Deep down I knew he meant it, but I was too mad to care.  
  
'You forgot? Do you have any idea what the hell I thought happened to you? How worried I was? Not to mention the fact that I had to leave work early to take you.' Tone it down, I silently urged myself. I knew I was being harsh, but Ponyboy's absent-mindedness really bugged me. I couldn't keep the next part from coming out. 'And you know what? You're grounded this weekend. That should leave plenty of time to remember the appointment, which I'll have to reschedule.' Ponyboy's eyes widened.  
  
'Darry, that's not fair.'  
  
'I don't care if it isn't,' I snapped at him. 'You're grounded. Is that clear?'  
  
'Yes,' Pony said sullenly. He flopped back on the bed. I stormed out of his room and down the hall to mine, ignoring the fact that Soda and Two-Bit were looking shocked in the kitchen as I passed. Once in my room, I couldn't sit still, but instead I paced around the small room in circles. Why had I yelled at Ponyboy like that? He just forgot, that's all. But another part of my mind knew that Ponyboy had to start being more responsible. We were still under close watch from Social Services, who was just waiting for one of my brothers to get in trouble so they could be put in a home. And I'd be damned if I was going to let that happen. My brothers were all I had left now, and I wasn't going to lose them. Not if I could help it.  
  
A/N – I'm pretty sure that this chapter was even worse than the first two, but please review anyway! 


	4. Chapter Four

A/N- Hey all! Sorry about the wait- again- put I've been really busy lately. Here's chapter four, and please review! This is for my kick-ass beta-reader Phoebe, who saw me through a really tough time recently. I couldn't have gotten through it without her! Also a special thank-you to Wesly, without whose constant prodding-lol- I probably wouldn't have gotten this up so soon! Thanx for your support girl!  
  
The next morning, Saturday, dawned clear and sunny, a great contrast to my mood. I was still having dreams about Mom and Dad that woke me sweating in the middle of the night, and I was too worried about Ponyboy's dreams to think much about mine. Plus I had grounded him the night before, and I knew as I got dressed that he was going to be impossible that day. I went into the kitchen and began fixing breakfast: eggs, coffee, and the chocolate cake that had become part of our lifestyle. I was feeling a little better when Soda came out of his room.  
  
"Morning, Darry," Soda said cheerfully as he sat down at the table. He sipped some coffee, made a face, and poured himself some chocolate milk.  
  
"Morning, Soda," I answered. "What are you doing today, anyway?"  
  
"I'm picking Sandy up for the game tonight, but nothin' else." It was then that Ponyboy stormed into the room and slammed into his chair.  
  
"Good morning, Ponyboy," I said neutrally. "Want some breakfast?"  
  
"No," Ponyboy said sullenly. "Why don't you get off my case for once?" Soda stared from him to me, looking very uneasy. I struggled to keep my temper in as I turned around to face Ponyboy.  
  
"You know, this attitude problem of yours is really starting to bug me," I said, a lot more snappishly than I meant to. "It's your own fault you're grounded." Ponyboy stared at me, then shoved back his chair and stormed into his room. I groaned and flopped back into my chair. Soda put his hand on my arm and said softly,  
  
"Just give it time, Darry. He'll calm down." I nodded wearlily and we finished breakfast in silence. Ponyboy stayed in his room all day, only coming out a few times for food. Around nine that night I decided to go check on him. I was sick of us fighting all the time now. 'It wasn't like this before', I thought. Before Mom and Dad...I swallowed the lump in my throat and knocked on the door.  
  
"Ponyboy?" I called. No answer. I knocked on the door louder and called again. Maybe he's asleep, I thought. But when I opened the door I found he window wide open and Ponyboy gone. 


	5. Chapter Five

A/N- Hey everybody! Yes, after five months I'm finally updating! I have no idea if anyone still wants me to continue this story- BESIDES Wesley; yea, girl, you've made that pretty clear, lol- so feedback is really appreciated! Thanks a lot!  
  
I stared in silence and shock at the open window, counting to ten so I wouldn't lose it. Why had he done this? He was never this impossible. Or at least he hadn't used to be.  
  
I ran out of the room and into the living room, where Soda was playing poker with Steve and Dally.  
  
"Soda," I said, my shaky voice betraying my panic. "Where's Ponyboy?"  
  
Soda stared at me in confusion. "What do you mean? He's not in his room?"  
  
"No, he's not in his room," I snapped. "If he was, I wouldn't have asked."  
  
Soda looked at me, hurt. Before I could apologize, Dallas spoke up.  
  
"You didn't know?" Dally shook his head. "Stupid kid. Always doin' stuff like this." He lit a cigarette. "Anyway, he's at Buck Merrill's, doing some shit with Tim and Curly. I guessed you knew, or-"  
  
I didn't even give Dallas time to finish. I tore out of the house and jumped in my car. Buck Merrill's? Tim and Curly Shepard? Like Pony wasn't in enough trouble; oh, no. He had to go and pull something like this. What am I gonna do with him? I wondered. Can't this kid ever use his head?  
  
I don't know how fast I was going on the drive to Buck's, but I'm betting I broke a few speed limits. When I got there I ran inside the door, trying to ignore the smells of beer and tobacco, plus the ever-present strains of Hank Williams. When I saw Curly Shepard, I grabbed him by the shirt collar and slammed him against a wall.  
  
"Ponyboy. Where is he?" I demanded. Curly must have seen I wasn't joking around.  
  
"In the back room, with Tim and the guys," Curly snapped, pulling away from me.  
  
I dashed into the back room and saw my little brother, leaning against a doorpost, talking to Shepard and drinking a beer. I could tell by the way he was swaying and the glazed look in his eyes that it wasn't his first one.  
  
Ponyboy's drunken eyes widened and cleared just a bit when he saw me. "Darry-"  
  
I grabbed Pony's ear and dragged him outside. Thrusting open the passenger door, I shoved him inside before going around and getting in the car myself. It was about ten minutes before I trusted myself to speak. "Darry-" Ponyboy said again.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking?" I shouted. "You were already grounded, and then you pull something like this? Damn it, Ponyboy-" I banged my fist against the dashboard, taking a deep breath. "I could lose you guys if the state found out about this. You hear me? I can't lose you guys. Not now, not ever."  
  
Pony groaned and leaned back against his seat. "I know. I know. I just- I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out."  
  
"Fine," I said, starting the ignition. "But next time you check with me before 'getting out', here? We'll talk about your punishment for the drinking tomorrow. You won't be seeing the light of day ever again, kiddo."  
  
We drove in silence for a while before Ponyboy spoke up again.  
  
"Darry?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I don't feel so good."  
  
I sighed and pulled over. It was gonna be a long ride home. 


End file.
